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The Parenting War

It is a never ending war over who has the right plan and method to parent the children. Each parent is sincerely confident that the other is wrong and must be stopped or the children will be ruined. Meanwhile, the children craftily play one parent against the other in order to get what they want.

Here is one play in the playbook of managing your parents. Tim tells dad that mom is unreasonable. She never lets him do anything even when he has his homework completed. He wishes that mom would be as reasonable as dad in these matters. Dad feels good hearing this because his wife frequently tells him that he has no sense when it come to parenting and managing the children. She sees him as another child she has to manage.

Tim continues and runs the next part of the play. He tells dad that tonight is an example of how unreasonable she is. He complains that he has his homework and his chores done and simply wants to go to Sam’s house to play and will be home by 9:00. Dad falls for the ploy and states that he doesn’t see anything wrong with him going to Sam’s if he has his homework and chores completed. Tim thanks dad and tells him that he is the greatest and dashes off to tell mom that dad said that he can go to Sam’s house and be home by 9:00. Mom erupts and tells Tim that he isn’t going anywhere and stomps off to confront dad. This is Tim’s que to get over to Sam’s. After all, Dad gave him permission. Experience has taught him that his mom and dad will be fighting about this long after he is home and in bed.

Copyright 2011 – Dr. Orville E. Easterly All Rights Reserved – Do not copy.

1 comment (Add your own)

1. Sherie Anderson wrote:
Looking for Christian counseling to help my husband & I parent our 21 yr old college student still living at home. He was diagosed with bipolar II when he was 17. We've made huge strides since he has been receiving treatment & on medication. We still struggle with his life choices while he lives under our roof. He has 2 younger siblings that he is an example too. We have to also be example parents. We want to learn to define boundaries that are acceptable & unacceptable while living at home even though he's 21. Things that we let go of may give younger siblings the impression it's ok behavior. We want our love to be unconditional & careful to not judge when we are not perfect ourselves.

Sat, January 14, 2017 @ 2:36 PM

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